Your Defiant Teen: 10 Steps to Resolve Conflict and Rebuild Your Relationship

If life with your teen has become a battleground, it's time to take action. This empathic book shows how. Trusted psychologists who have worked with thousands of families give you the tools you need to overcome defiance and get teen behaviour back on track. By following the authors' clinically proven 10-step program, learn how you can:

• Re-establish your authority while building trust.
• Identify and enforce nonnegotiable rules.
• Use rewards and incentives that work.
• Communicate and problem-solve effectively—even in the heat of the moment.
• Restore positive feelings in your relationship.
• Develop your teen's skills for becoming a successful adult.

Vivid stories and answers to frequently asked questions help you put the techniques into action. The updated second edition incorporates new scientific research on why some teens have more problems with self-control than others. Practical forms and worksheets can be downloaded and printed in a convenient 8½" x 11" size.

Table of Contents

Introduction

I. You and Your Defiant Teen

1. What Defiance Is—and What You Should Do about It
2. How Defiance Develops
3. What Does Adolescence Have to Do with It?
4. Is It Just Your Teen's Personality?
5. Where Do You Come In?
6. How to Find a Way Out

II. 10 Steps to a Better Relationship with Your Teen—and a Better Future for Your Teen

7. Getting Ready
8. Step 1. Making Positive One-on-One Time a Habit
9. Step 2. A New Way to Manage Behavior
10. Step 3. Contracts and Point Systems: How Teens Can Earn Privileges
11. Step 4. Making the Punishment Really Fit the Crime
12. Step 5. Tackling Additional Issues with Rewards and Penalties
13. Step 6. Addressing Defiant Behavior in School and Conflicts over Homework
14. Step 7. Using Problem-Solving Skills
15. Step 8. Learning and Practicing Communication Skills
16. Step 9. Dealing with Unreasonable Beliefs and Expectations
17. Step 10. Keeping It Together

Appendix A. Sample Problem-Solving Worksheets

Appendix B. How to Find a Therapist

Resources

"The authors have much experience in dealing with oppositional and defiant teens. They included in this self-help book many practical and useful hints, ideas, and strategies that many parents may find helpful. Discriminating which level and sort of problems may need professional help and which can be tackled by simply using this book is a plus….This book can be recommended to parents who are struggling with their children’s adolescence. It does contain proven strategies and develops them in a logical and appropriate presentation….This book can be a positive adjunct to therapists working with this population by providing parents an additional resource to consult between therapy sessions."
- Child and Family Behavior Therapy

"The transition from adolescence to adulthood can be tough as teens attempt to assert their independence. Now in an updated second edition, this is a very welcome, current resource that helps you guide your teen through difficult times. Your Defiant Teen has been—and will continue to be—the first book I recommend to parents struggling with challenging teens."
- Sam Goldstein, PhD, coauthor of Angry Children, Worried Parents

"Since the first edition of this book was published, growing evidence shows that the authors' program works. The second edition incorporates lessons learned from continuing research while maintaining the practical, warm, and supportive approach. Without placing blame, the authors help you understand your teen's behavior and explain 10 clear steps for creating positive change by improving the ways you interact."
- Torrey A. Creed, PhD, Department of Psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania

"Here it is—a book that provides insights into your teen's behavior and a game plan for addressing it! This step-by-step guide can produce a stunning turnaround by helping you focus on the positive and strike that necessary balance between monitoring your teen and fostering independence."
- Sharon K. Weiss, MEd, coauthor of From Chaos to Calm: Effective Parenting of Challenging Children with ADHD and Other Behavioral Problems